help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Randomize
