I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
