Screwed.edu
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize
