I will die if light touches me.
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
Randomize
