im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Randomize
