Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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