I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
Randomize
