I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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