Old men and throwing up are my life now.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
