We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
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