What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
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