being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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