i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
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