Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
