I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
