I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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