Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
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