if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Randomize
