Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
