He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Randomize