yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
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