"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
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