Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
