We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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