Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
