you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
