It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Randomize
