just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
Randomize
