i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
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