R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
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