some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Randomize
