Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
