i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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