He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
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