OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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