a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
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