I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
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