Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
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