lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
Randomize
