I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
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