At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
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