All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
I lost the right to judge tonight
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
