so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
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