Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Randomize
