i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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