South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Randomize
