Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
