tell your sister to shave her snatch
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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