oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Randomize
