I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
Pants 0. Shit 1.
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Randomize
