Even water is tasting like jack daniels
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize