I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Randomize
