you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
Randomize
