Even water is tasting like jack daniels
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
As shirtless as possible
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Randomize
