im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Randomize
