I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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