Ambien. No doubt about it.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
Randomize
