Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
