I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
Randomize
