I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
