I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
Randomize
