Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
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