I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
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