I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
