would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
