No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
You're a waste of cheezeits
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
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